13 Months

Well it has been 13 months since you left. Fixing to spend another Christmas without the 2nd of many more to come. Words can not describe how I feel tonight. I am fixing to be 29 years old tomorrow and I have now children and will never have any children.

There are children all around me but none that are mine, and doesn't really look like any in the near future unless I win the Lottery. And since the only Luck I have is bad luck I don't believe that will happen either. My heart is empty I had always hoped and wished to be a Mother and I wanted to have kids before I was 30 but that isn't going to happen. Just when you think that you are doing better with the all of this it creeps right back up on you and there it is just as fresh and new feeling that you thought you were over.

I have been fighting back tears all day and I am fighting them back now as I type. I have seen so many kids that parents don't love them, care for them, or even want them and here we are wanting Children so bad and we are told NO....... Why is that? I want to have a Rainbow baby but NO... I have felt all the babies I am going to feel in me. There will be no more and That Makes Me So Sad.

I love all of you ANGEL'S more and more every day. I miss you more and more every day.