Carley's Story

Her story is sad but yet so very true. My husband and I had wanted children from the start of our long relationship. It all started in 2008 when I found out I was pregnant with our first child. Only to have that one go so very wrong also I miscarried at 9 weeks and had to have a D/C done. We weren't even trying to get pregnant on that one it just happened. So then we get the bug you know. Now we want to try, and then started the long road.

I had to go to the Dr and get meds b/c I have PCOS and I wasn't ovulating. We got clomid and then after the first try of the meds we find out we were Pregnant. Now I was thrilled since we found out on our 2nd Wedding Anniversary. I was SCARED b/c I had already had to go through the loss of our first baby. I waited until I was like 11 weeks before I even went to my 1st Dr's appointment.

When I got to the Dr's office they took me back to ultra sound and there I started to panic I wanted to see that heartbeat, and when the ultrasound tech tapped me on my leg and told me to open my ears I saw it HEARTBEAT!!!!!! I started to cry I could see my baby just jumping all around and playing in it's little sac. But off to the side I noticed another sac and I saw no movement in that one. I asked her what is that on the side and she told me that I had been pregnant with twins but I had lost one, not to worry that Baby A would take care of it. Not to worry that is like telling a Bear not to eat fish. But they would send me to a high risk Dr just for a second opinion. I went and they said the same thing, and that if I was comfortable I could just see my regular Dr since they were already going to see me every two weeks.

They kept a close eye on me every two weeks and as my baby grown and I hit the first trimester mark I wasn't as scared. Until November 8, 2009 that is the day my whole life started to fall apart. I started leaking fluid so I was rushed to the Dr by my Husband and my Mom.  They told me that the other sac of Baby B who had died had ruptured and that I would have to be put on bed rest, and come back in a week. But Baby A's sac was good and baby was playing and jumping around and had a lot of fluid in their sac. Bed rest I went and my parents come in to help us.

We went back on November 16, 2009 and I knew on the face of my ultrasound tech that it wasn't good. I noticed too that the fluid in Baby A's sac had decreased a lot to almost nothing and I knew then this is not going to be good. I cried until I thought I just didn't have any tears left in me. We went the next day to back to the the high risk Dr's and they did another ultrasound and they confirmed the grim reality that I had came to the night before that I was going to loose this baby too. I found out that I was carrying a Baby Girl, all I could say during the ultrasound was "Mom I am so sorry, How do I tell my Husband that I lost this one too." 

 They told me she had a 1% chance of survival and I had a high chance of infection so I had to have surgery. That day when I came home to tell my hubby I was crushed. I couldn't look at him, I felt like such a worthless woman, here I had lost 3 babies.

On November 20, 2009 they went and took my Baby Girl away from me.

 Two weeks later I went back for a checkup to make sure my HCG was going down and it was. But I met a nurse who came in to talk to me and to see how I was doing. She sat and talked to my mother and I for 30 minutes and told me all about the Share organization, books for me to read, and for me to get a journal and for me to name my baby. I never really thought of naming her. I just figured since I didn't have a grave then I couldn't name her and she told me no to name her because she was real and she new I would never forget her and it would make it easier for me to talk to people about her if I named her.

So I named my baby girl in Heaven Carley Noel. I was going to name her Carley any way and the Noel came because I wanted something special and it just came to me the song "The first Noel the Angels did say" and she is an Angel and it fit.

This is my journey into accepting my children's deaths. Accepting my life without having children here on earth but I am yet still a mother of 3. I carried them in me even though their stay may have been short they were still alive in me. They were real to me, my family and friends.

They are My Angel's In Heaven!!