Thursday, August 26, 2010

Why do People???

Why do people not consider me a mother of 3 babies? Is it because they can't see them, they can't feel them. I saw them on a screen, I felt them inside, I was sick, I feed them. So to me I am a mother. No my children are not here on this earth for all to see they were so special that God took them right back up with him. He gave me the honor of being there mother just for a short time but it was still a Honor that I truly am blessed with. I know that my bless feelings come out as tears of sadness but I am still feel blessed that my babies were so special enough to come and stay for a little while but got called to a far better place than here with me.

I am a Mother. I am a MOTHER. I AM A MOTHER!!!!!

I have to go in September to see if I can even try again. With all the medical problems I have I just don't know if they are going to let me carry. If I can't carry then I have a family member come and say they would. I have looked into the prices on it and it is high but I will continue to pray about it and I will see where the Lord leads me.


9 Months

Well baby girl you have been gone now for 9 LONG months. Sorry this is being posted late but I have been having a hard time getting to post this one. It has been difficult my life right now. Finding out friends and family that are so excited to be bringing home new babies or finding out they are pregnant. I have found a "green envy monster" in me this month and I don't like it. I don't like it that I feel like this. I am not this type of person. I am a very loving and happy person until you left me Carley.

I know that people who have never lost a child don't understand and I am taking it even harder because with the new medical conditions that I have been diagnosed with in the past year may affect my trying to have another baby myself. I do have a great and loving family member who has offered to be a surrogate but just got to find the money for that.

I have a candle for you Carley that I burn in you memory. I am going to have to get a new one, because I have been burning it a lot her lately when I want to feel as if you are near me I burn the candle. Also this year for your memory since I didn't do a Christmas tree I am going to try and find a ornament for you and put your name on it and your date.

It is so hard to believe that you have been gone for 9 months. If you had made it you would be 4 months old and fixing to go on your first beach trip with your family. My necklace broke that I had made with all "My Angel's" birthstones in it. The company did send me a new one but I am going to have to try and find something in a little better quality if I can afford it.

My Carley oh I wonder and think about you so much and I know people think that I should just forget and move on (people who don't understand). But it is hard. I love you My Babies so much and I can't wait to see and meet you in heaven when it is time for me to meet you. I know that you are with Jesus and God and you are in such a better place. But the tears still fall for you until we meet again. I love you all!!!!!!!!