The day is here

Well the day is here.... It is 1am and I can't sleep, I am due to be at the hospital at 7:30 for surgery. Everyone ask me am I nervous and yes I am but I am more upset that my dream of being a mother is coming to an end literally.... I mean I know that it has been over for a year but you still have that hope that science would catch up with me and I would be able to be a mother but that time of waiting for science is over as well.

2 years ago today I found out that I was going to loose you Carley so it is only fitting that today I finish the dream and have surgery. I wanted you so bad baby girl and I know that people don't understand why I can't really move on from you. I guess I will always sort of to say be stuck on you cause you were my last try, my last kick felt, last test, last everything. You are but had you made it to us you would have been one of the most LOVED little girls ever. You would have two parents who would always be there for you and do anything they could to keep you safe, loved, healthy, and anything. But I know that you are safe, loved, healthy and waiting for Mommy and Daddy. And I hope and pray one day I will see you again in Heaven and I hope you will know who I am and how much I love you. I can't help but think of the song by Eric Clapton Tears in Heaven....

Mommy Loves You Baby Girl and until we meet again one day I will write to you on here!!!