.....

I try every day to make people happy. I try every day to do the right things in life, I try every day to do everything I can the right way... But I am so tried of trying and it seems as if I still don't do anything right....

I know that I am only human and I that I am not perfect nor do I ever want to be perfect but I do want to feel appreciated and loved... I know that I am a very hard person to live with I am sure, and I know that all my friends tell me that I am too hard on myself that I need to give myself some credit but I can't help but think that I am not doing enough or have done enough... I know that there are things in my life that I can not control and oh how I wish that I could... If I could I would be a Mom (which is something I know will never happen), I would have my dream job back (which is also something I know that will never happen), I would be a independent person again and not having to depend on people to do stuff for me.. 

I know that my life could be so much worse I understand that completely but when you have always had your own money and done your on things in life to now be stuck at home with no money, and having to ask permission every time you want to do something it really brings you down.... And I have a dream of being a Mom that I just can't let go of.. What do you do when the other person doesn't have that same dream... We did have that dream when we thought we could have children and now that we can't he won't adopt and just tells me I need to just give up on that dream... I refuse to give up all hope on that dream I have so much love in my heart for a child... 

What am I suppose to do??????

And when do I get to make Myself Happy?????