Why do people......

I have a question why do people feel as if I don't like to talk about my children? I love to talk about my babies even though there is not much to say about them... But people feel as if I don't want to talk about them or the fact that I will never be a Mom...

I have accepted the fact that I will never be a biological Mom and I don't mind talking about it. It actually helps me to talk about it. I am a person who can not hold anything in for long because if I do it makes me very depressed and feel alone (which I feel that way all the time and all day long most days)... Even when my Husband is home I still feel alone in my thoughts. I can't talk to him about them because he doesn't understand why I feel this way...

I miss my children in the fact that I miss the fact I will never have a child call me Mom... But it is okay I have a lot of children in my life that I am very close to and that I love as if they are my own... I know that my friends that I am very close with know that I would never let anything happen to there children as long as I am present... I would lay my own life down for a child... any child...

I can't help but hope that one day I will have a child in my life to love. I know that it will prolly never happen but still can't help but hope for it.... Like I said in my post before Dreams don't always come true but I really do hope and pray that My Dream will come true. All I want is LOVE in my life... and right now I don'[t know if I have that or not. I know that I child would not complete me but I think it would help me. If My Dream never comes true then I don't know what I will do...

I got sort of off topic on this post tonight but I just have SO MANY thoughts running through my head right now that I can't seem to think of anything else but My Dream and I want My Dream to come ture so bad I don't know if I have ever wanted anything more than this Dream... It is hard when you think in the form of reality that it will more than likely NEVER happen.... How do you accept that, how do you go on with knowing that, how do you live with the thoughts of nothing but a Dream that is so far from you and no matter how much you dream about it wish about it think NONSTOP about it is so far from your reach and your mind tells you it will NEVER BE but your heart will not give up on it because you love that Dream so much. A Dream that you don't know or ever will know but in my dreams at night I know this Dream is the best thing that I have EVER DREAMED of in my life......

I just wish that it would come TRUE so bad it hurts me physically inside...

Back on topic now I just wish that people wouldn't tip toe around things with me I wish they would just say what is on there minds and know that it doesn't UPSET ME, it makes me feel good cause I know that SOMEONE cares enough to ask....

I just wish people would TALK to me and TELL me what they think instead of tip toeing around the subject..... 

Carley Noel Mommy loves you and wishes you were here every single day of her life. If I had to go back in time I would do it all over again for you baby girl. I would have given my life so that you could live and be here. I just feel as if I didn't do enough for you baby, I feel like I am slowly forgetting you and I don't want to ever forget you. Mommy remembers the first time she saw you on the TV screen at the Dr's office you jumping all over the place just full of life, and Mommy wishes she could have given you a life, I would have given you the world as close to it as I possibly could baby girl. And you would never have to wonder if Mommy loved you because I would have told you all the time (like I do now)... Even though I know you are not here I still think about you, and tell you I love you every single day cause I feel as if you are looking down on me.... 

I hope that one day I will have the LOVE that I am so desperately seeking in my life......... I just don't think it will happen though........ :'(