Thursday, October 7, 2010


Tonight as I sit in my house alone I am sad. Last year at this time I was dreaming of  having a baby in the house and how my life would never be boring always have someone around no free time to myself. And now I am still alone will always be alone.  My womb will never have anything growing, and I am sad. I am sad because I think I would be a great mother. Instead I am here alone with my body that I hate because it isn't normal. Why did I have to have all the things happen to me!!!! Why couldn't I have one just one health one. I know there is a "Plan for me" but I wish I could be included into knowing about the plan. I am just having a bad night I know.

Carley I miss you so much words can't describe. Please know that Mommy love you and misses you so much. I am so sorry that I couldn't meet you in person but one day Mommy will see you One Day.


Amanda said...

My heart breaks for you. I feel like saying I'm so sorry for you just isn't enough. I wish I could give you a BIG HUG. We don't know God's plan for our lives and how much it would ease some of our pain if we could just know some of it. I recently purchased the book "This isn't the life I signed up for . . . But I'm finding hope and healing" by Donna Partow. It's a 10 week study. I've been struggling to start it but I truly feel like this isn't the life I signed up for but I need to find the hope and healing God can provide. God Bless you.
Prayers, love and hugs sent your way. Amanda

Jan said...

Thank You Amanda. It always helps to have people that know how I feel. Most of my Friends "Thank God" have not been through anything like this and they are all very loving and supportive but sometimes it just helps to talk to someone who has walked in my shoes so to speak. Thank You and God Bless you and Your Family.