Tuesday, October 5, 2010

My Story

So I submitted my story to "Faces of Loss" blog and I saw where it was posted on September 23 under the state of Virginia. It still made me cry just reading my own story. Just knowing that Carley was the LAST BABY I WILL EVER CARRY.

I will never feel that miserable feeling that women feel at the end, or swollen legs and feet (I have that now but not the way I would like to have it by being pregnant). I will never know what it feels like to be in labor, to look at a baby and know that I did that (of course with hubby's help). I will never know what that feels like.

I hope that GOD will allow me to be a mother through a surrogate. I want to be a MOTHER so bad. I want to hold a baby in my arms and have it call me mama and My Husband who I know would be the Greatest Father in the World to have a child of his own. I know that he would be such a great father. He is a great husband and a wonderful man, I am the luckiest woman in the world because God choose me to be his wife.

I am still dealing with the fact that I am now a stay at home wife due to my leg and my vein issues. It is hard when you went to school, college, had the perfect job, LOVED your job and now you are stuck at home laying on a couch cause you are not suppose to be up much. It sucks to be honest but I am trying to stay positive and up but with winter coming and cold weather I know that it is going to be hard.

But I am just going to continue to pray my really good friend has a saying "If you worry you didn't pray. If you pray, don't worry." I really need to try and live by that.