Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Maybe Looking up I said Maybe!!

Well I got some good news today wish I could share it but just not yet. I have been praying and praying that 2011 would be a better year for my husband and me and just maybe things are starting to change but it is TOO early to tell yet.

I am still on my med and went to the Dr last week and he told me that my leg still has a clot in it (big one) and that it would be long time before I will or ever will see a change in it. My blood is still a yo yo up and down all the time. I now know exactly why my patients use to fuss about being on coumadin it sucks you can't eat what you want (well you can but you have to take a HUGE dose), and with a huge clot like mine you can't do anything that you want to do. I want to work like a normal person so bad and I can't. I know people look at me and think "what the heck is wrong with her why can't she work instead she sits at home on her fat tail and makes her husband work his tail off trying to pay for everything". I know I should NOT care what people think but I do.

Yesterday I spent the day with my friend Joan... Helped me pass the day cause I would have sat at home crying and thinking about how this should have been Carley's 1st Valentine's Day with us. I just really ticks me off every time I see people who need more kids or a kid at all like they need a hole in there head pop them out left and right. I wonder if I will ever get over that feeling???? I still feel a little empty inside, my dreams of being a Mom to a child feels so far away like I may never be able to accomplish that and it bothers me to no end. I feel as if my husband and I would be great parents, but I know what everybody is going to say "God has a plan" and he does just wish he would give me a preview like the movies do.........