Dreaming

Every night here lately I have a dream.... In my dream I am a mother to a beautiful baby girl that I love more than anything in the world... But the dream doesn't have a happy ever  after...

In my dream my life is great I am the happiest I have ever been with the love of my life... We adopt a little girl and everything is finally perfect... I am raising the family I always wanted and then the hole bottom falls apart... I never see my little girl grow up, I don't get to be with the love of my life... I don't even get to be here at all... In my dream something happens to me... I can't quiet seem to figure out exactly but in my dream I am home with her and then the next flash I am looking at myself in the hospital bed on a vent and dying I guess.... 

I know that it is very morbid but I know that it is negative to dream that but why do I dream it just about every night and I wake up at the exact same part every night with him sitting there crying and talking to me begging me to wake up and stay with him and her... I try so hard to wake up I try so hard to tell myself that I can't leave them I finally have "My Dream" and now I am just leaving it all be hide. Then I see a little girl come toward me and call me Mommy and she looks at me and I just start to cry cause I know it is "Her" it is Carley... She looks at me and says Mommy it is time, It is time for you to be with us, it is time for you to come and take care of us now... I take her hand and go with her and there are my 3 Angels standing there waiting for me... 

I know one day I am going to see them and I know that people say you can't pay attention to dreams but to have the same dream over and over it feels like it is trying to tell me something but I have no clue what it is...  I know that I want to see my babies so bad sometimes that it doesn't matter how I get to see them... I have always said that if it is  my time to go I am ready... I am not scared of death, I know that it will be hard for the loved ones I will leave but I know that I am going to be with my children... I guess when i suffered my blood clots and there for a few days everybody was scared to death that something terrible may happen to me... But I wasn't scared at all (I know that I was under  heavy drugs and all) but I just felt like well if this is it this is it... I still feel that way... I have my family yes but I have no children here to keep me or worry about... I know that for my friends and family it would be terrible and hard... I know all of my friends are scared about death cause of there children but I don't have that... 

I know that everyone at some point in life will have to say goodbye but I hope my dream is wrong and that my time IS NOT UP ANY TIME SOON....