Friday, September 24, 2010

Doctor Visit

Well I didn't really get the news I wanted to hear. I sort of knew that I was not going to be able to carry a baby with all of my health problems, but the news I got was still shocking.

I was told that I may not even be able to harvest my eggs due to the high risk of blood clots/and ruptured ovaries in using the hormone shots. So that was the shocker. I had set all of my eggs into that basket of me having a child was me harvesting my eggs and now they just killed it. I sobbed!!!! What am I going to do now, there goes my chance of being a mother. Something that I want SOOO BAD GONE!! The Dr that told me this was a "Fellow" of my Dr. I guess she is right at the end of going on her own I don't know but she was nice about it and very sympathetic.

Next my Dr walks in and she already knows that I have been hit with those words that no woman wants to hear, but she comes in with I am going to talk to another Dr and to your blood specialist and we are going to see if we can work something out. I am going to have to have some very close monitoring done and I still may not be able to harvest my eggs but I have one other plan and it is Plan C.

Now Plan C is going to all be based on cost and my husband. Plan C consist me using a donor egg. So all in all I will just be out of the equation but My Husband will not be. And that means a lot to ME and to HIM. HE wants a biological child and I am fine with using the donor egg or adoption which ever is fine with me. I just want to be a mother!

I also have the belief that you are not considered a mother just because you have given birth to a child. Because I know a lot of women who have given birth to a child and they could care less about the child. A Mother to me is : someone who loves unconditionally, nurtures a child, wipes the tears, caress them when they are sick and no matter how she has to move the world will do it in a heart beat for her child. You can be a mother and never give birth. I know a lot of women who have adopted and they are the BEST MOTHERS.

So all in all I am going to still try and stay positive. Maybe I can win the lottery and the money won't even be a deciding factor but I know it will be. I know that God has a plan for me, he does I just have to be patience and wait to see what he has in store for me, which isn't one of my better traits. I am very impatience person. But he is teaching me how to be patience.