Friday, August 31, 2012

Hard Day

Today has been very hard for me and I am not really sure why.... I have been having a rough month with missing Carley and "My Dream"... I was in a very low mood today and tonight and thought I would look up some poems that may help me and I found this poem and wanted to share it with you.

Dear God,
Please hold my unborn child in your ever-loving embrace.
Please let my child know that my love can't be erased.
Please bless me on this earth and help to ease the pain.
Please plant a seed within my baby's heart of sunshine, not of rain.
Please help the days get easier and the nights go quickly by.
Please hold my hand when I can't do anything- but cry.
Please increase my faith so I believe my baby is with You.
Please forgive me when my sadness makes me come completely unglued.
Please let my baby know that there'll always be a place-
within my heart, just for my baby, full of Divine Grace.
And, when You call me Home to Your Kingdom up above-
Please let me hold the baby-
I never held...
but, always loved.
Author Unknown

I feel every word of this poem or prayer... I feel this way every single day of my life... And I know people are going to be upset if anybody reads this but I wish the day would hurry up and come where I could be with my babies... I can't help but wonder if they need me to hold them, to kiss them, to love them, do they need the love that only there Mother can give them... Hear lately I have cried myself to sleep if I sleep at all, or I have cried all day long for my babies... 

My husband won't adopt and I want a child in my life... I need a child in my life... I just wish that is God is dead set on me not having a child in my life that he would just take the hurt, the longing, the desire, and the need for a child out of my heart for good....

I love you Carley Noel and Miss you every single day!!!